My Decisions Never Turned Out Fine

How many of you feel the same like me?

Today is 1st March 2024, and in the past one year, I have taken many decisions. The biggest of them all were to quit my job and move back to India. To give you a context, I was living, studying and working in USA for the last 7 years. But in the last one year, I felt I was just working on my fulltime job for 5 days and working on my content creation on weekends, somewhere living it all is where I felt I was missing something, which was more valuable than all of it, no surprises here, I am talking about our fleeting Time! Time to be with my family, time to do what I would love or atleast like to do in my career, time to be myself, time to open new avenues for myself and time to explore the hidden potenial within, in the fields of work that interest me more than what I was doing back then. 

So, after many overthinking, sad, realising, boring and stuck in life kind of nights, I decided to quit my job on the night of 27th June, 2023. And I decided to move back to India, with my main motives of being with my family and to work on things I wanted to work on without the fear of visa rules and deportation. So, I came back, with a vague idea, with some savings in my bank and high hopes. But, things didn't turn out the way I thought. I have been making videos on youtube and instagram, working on things without a boss and somewhere also without deadlines. And I think that was an issue. With such attitude and work ethics, 6 months passed and I haven't achieved what I thought I will achieve right after 1 month of quitting my job. Almost, every alternative day, I feel I have taken a wrong decision. I console myself almost every morning, try to find that motivation and try to understand where I am stuck now... 

My plan was to create both visual and written content and earn money from it, in-fact let me be completely honest, I wanted to be financially free with my content creation on instagram and youtube, but in the last 6 months, I just got one paid promotion worth 8k rupees and I am still waiting for my youtube channel to grow enough for the monetization to start. And ofcourse this was not the only plan and interest I had. I also had a plan with my bestfriend to open a cloud kitchen or cafe. And yes, after 5 months of coming back from USA, we did finally started working on it in the last month; finalized a place and today was the first day of renting that place, without having much figured out. 

But what happened tonight was a conversation between my bestfriend and me, what are we lacking? Why I am making bad decisions one after the other? Are we lazy or procrastinators? Or are we fooling ourselves? And right then, I realised something, I felt that I finally know why all my decisions never turn out fine, it's not because I'm taking wrong or bad decisions, neither it is because luck is not in my favor. I understood, it's simply because I am not doing enough, I am not giving it all.

Ofcourse, I want my big dreams to come true and celebrate that moment and life after it but what I am missing is I have to work for it, every single day, every single moment. Now see, by that I don't mean to support the Hustle Culture. Sleep while you sleep, eat, exercise and all but let's not waste time to discuss people or share reels, and let's not waste more time in discussing ideas, instead let's execute them! Because life is really short and my list of goals are far more bigger than that. So, I remembered a statement I heard somewhere, "Instead of taking a right or wrong decision, make the decision right!".

So, today, I have decided to make all my decisions right, merely by working on it wholeheartedly, and more importantly committing to it, and give my 500% efforts because we actually live only once. And I will never be 29 again, starting over my life and my career, I will never have this kind of risk apetite again, the right time to give my all, is Right Now! And this was my eye opener today. We never want to belittle us or tell ourselves the bitter truth, but I guess that is what we must tell ourselves in order to get up and level up with our own best version. So, once in a while, if you get stuck in your life, sit with yourself without your phone and just try to speak out that harsh truth or ask yourself those uncomfortable questions, those confusing questions for which you don't have an answer yet. Because you can only find the answers if you ask the questions. And so yes, I admitted to myself that I haven't been giving my all and I must buckle up because time is running really fast. So, yes my decisions actually never turned out fine but I know it will if I work on it like nine to nine.